Keep Calm and Write Your Damn Thesis

Sunday, September 13, 2015

My thesis idea book AKA my bff for this school year

From reading the title, you might have an idea on what I've been doing these past few weeks. Thinking of a thesis title is dreadful to the point where I wish I have thought about my thesis during my early years in college. Maybe I was really just caught up with so many plates and paperwork. Back in my freshmen year, I was 100% sure that I'm going to pick fashion as my thesis category. Ever since I can remember, designing an entire fashion collection, having my own boutique, celebrities and models wearing my creation, seeing my creation on the catwalk/red carpet are definitely my ultimate goals in life.

There is a saying that goes: "If your dream doesn't scare you, it isn't big enough". Well, my dream actually scares the crap out of me. I don't really know if I'm going to achieve all my so-called goals in life, heck I don't even know if they are all attainable.

If I will have a chance to give just one word to define myself, it would definitely be -- indecisive. Indecisive with anything and everything. One night, I was having a hard time sleeping all because of my Instagram feed (I mean, how do people have an Instagram aesthetic anyway?) Kidding aside, I am unfortunately very indecisive. I have no idea what my art style is, I don't know if I should really push through with fashion, I also thought of deleting this blog because I was ignoring it for a long time already but I still want to blog, I don't know where I'm heading after graduation -- should I work for a corporate company? An ad agency? Should I just do freelance work? Or all at the same time? What if my dream company won't hire me because I'm not that good enough? Should I just give up?

Gah. All these mind-boggling questions in my mind even though I haven't even finished the first chapter of my thesis yet. Another random thing I want to share was the fact that being surrounded with artistic people with creative minds in school everyday is really intimidating. Even posting my artwork online is scary because I know for a fact that I'm still not on their level of creativity. I really struggle on having a so called "aesthetic". Like how in the world can I discover mine? I really wish I could trust my level of creativity to the point where I won't be scared of the criticism. I don't even consider myself as an artist yet. I believe that I still have a lot to learn. I only just consider myself as an art enthusiast which I think is not that bad. Maybe once I discover my art style, I'll consider myself as one. Lol idk.

Sigh, I really need to get my shit together.

Only a few months to go and I'm facing the real world. Help.

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