From reading the title, you might have an idea on what I've been doing these past few weeks. Thinking of a thesis title is dreadful to the point where I wish I have thought about my thesis during my early years in college. Maybe I was really just caught up with so many plates and paperwork. Back in my freshmen year, I was 100% sure that I'm going to pick fashion as my thesis category. Ever since I can remember, designing an entire fashion collection, having my own boutique, celebrities and models wearing my creation, seeing my creation on the catwalk/red carpet are definitely my ultimate goals in life.

There is a saying that goes: "If your dream doesn't scare you, it isn't big enough". Well, my dream actually scares the crap out of me. I don't really know if I'm going to achieve all my so-called goals in life, heck I don't even know if they are all attainable.

If I will have a chance to give just one word to define myself, it would definitely be -- indecisive. Indecisive with anything and everything. One night, I was having a hard time sleeping all because of my Instagram feed (I mean, how do people have an Instagram aesthetic anyway?) Kidding aside, I am unfortunately very indecisive. I have no idea what my art style is, I don't know if I should really push through with fashion, I also thought of deleting this blog because I was ignoring it for a long time already but I still want to blog, I don't know where I'm heading after graduation -- should I work for a corporate company? An ad agency? Should I just do freelance work? Or all at the same time? What if my dream company won't hire me because I'm not that good enough? Should I just give up?

Gah. All these mind-boggling questions in my mind even though I haven't even finished the first chapter of my thesis yet. Another random thing I want to share was the fact that being surrounded with artistic people with creative minds in school everyday is really intimidating. Even posting my artwork online is scary because I know for a fact that I'm still not on their level of creativity. I really struggle on having a so called "aesthetic". Like how in the world can I discover mine? I really wish I could trust my level of creativity to the point where I won't be scared of the criticism. I don't even consider myself as an artist yet. I believe that I still have a lot to learn. I only just consider myself as an art enthusiast which I think is not that bad. Maybe once I discover my art style, I'll consider myself as one. Lol idk.

Sigh, I really need to get my shit together.

Only a few months to go and I'm facing the real world. Help.